10. The Neighbour Who Doesn’t Like A Wet Driveway
He blow dries his driveway every time it rains.
9. The Neighbour Who Does Lawn Maintenance
One day, my neighbour sauntered on over from across the street and pounded on my door. He mentioned that I had some crabgrass growing on my lawn and throughout my ditch. “Crabgrass,” he went on, “produces about 30,000 seeds per plant. If you don’t get rid of these plants, they will spread over to my lawn and contaminate my beautifully manicured and cared for lawn. You must do something about these evil plants.” I went on to explain that I have sprayed them with special crabgrass killer but it did not seem to be working. He mentioned that there was only one thing that would kill crabgrass and that he had the secret formula. I said that if he wanted to take care of my crabgrass, feel free to take care of it.
About 3 days later I returned from a business trip and noticed that my lawn was all yellow and that everything growing on it had died. I walked on over to my neighbor’s property and asked him what he sprayed on my lawn that killed everything. He exclaimed, “The only thing that will really kill crabgrass… muriatic acid”.
As I left frustrated, he yelled back at me that I owed him $40 for the muriatic acid.
8. The Neighbour Who Represents Everything
Looking to celebrate a holiday, want a place that guarantees loads of fun and distraction? Look no further than next door to me… Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Canada Day, Victoria Day, Thanksgiving, Remembrance Day, St Patrick’s Day, Greek Independence Day all celebrated at one location complete with yard decorations, horrible clarinet music and frivolity, all year round. But maybe you’re not into holidays…how about sports teams? Want a place where you can root for your favourite team regardless of the season? Leafs, Raptors, Blue Jays, Argos, Toronto FC, Toronto Rock all represented in the cavalcade of flags. Are you from down east and miss home? No worries, flags from the Maritimes adorn the front lawn including: Cape Breton (didn’t know that was a province), Nova Scotia and Newfoundland. Looking for a place to dine between holidays or games? The owner’s 4×6′ lighted restaurant sign, featuring an image of him sweating over the grill, rounds up this deco-disaster. Stargazing isn’t an option here as the strings of Christmas lights, spot lights, lighted blow-mold figures and even a lighted 16’ religious cross, keep us bathed in light all night long. The one saving grace is that the local raccoons fearing night blindness try to avoid this spot. Not planning on coming by, not a problem as this location’s lights can be viewed from space. And if you wondered where the former government’s power management plans came from…well this is a good place to start.
7. The Neighbour Who Doesn’t Return The Favour
My husband has always been kind and helped out those who live close to us by snow blowing their driveways. Most neighbours are sincerely grateful. This new family will let my hubs blow the driveway but never says thank you. We share the driveway so it made sense.
If we shovel, we will always do the whole driveway! Even the dreaded end after the plow has gone by. Our snow blower broke this year so we h
ave had to shovel. She still never says thank you and still continues to only shovel her side of the driveway. This year we will be the crazy neighbour and leave her side covered in snow.
6. The Neighbour With A Wild and Crazy Teen
Our first crazy neighbour lived across the street. And mostly it was their teenage son who was wild and crazy. My desk sat at the window looking out onto their house and one afternoon while I was working they started yelling and there was commotion coming from the garage. Next thing I knew. They were pulling the old sofa onto the driveway as it was on fire.
5. The Neighbour Who Plays Pranks
Sound asleep – 2am. All of a sudden I hear the chime on the door go off. Someone is in the house. I have no idea what is going on. Am I hearing things? All of a sudden… the sound of a chain saw! What the heck? My life is flashing before my eyes. Am I in a nightmare? Wake up! No nightmare. It’s reality! It was our neighbours (who had a spare key in case of emergency) and thought it would be funny. Needless to say… we didn’t laugh!
4. The Neighbour Who Calls Cops on Kids
He called the cops because he said we are letting our kids laugh too loud when swimming in the backyard. Our kids are seven, five, and two years old.
3. The Neighbour Who Desperately Needs Blinds
Living by the lake in Barrie, I have been a long time windsurfer, enjoying my time on the water. Lake Simcoe is one of the coldest lakes so I frequently wear a wetsuit. It was early September last year when I was out on the lake. I was frozen after a few hours of windsurfing, so instead of changing in the back of the van as I usually do, I decided to hop in the driver’s seat, and get changed when I get home.
Heading into the driveway, I noticed my wife’s car in the driveway. She is not a fan of me going through the house dripping lake water on the floor, so I decided to take my wetsuit off on the porch. Understand I am naked under the wetsuit. As I get the wetsuit half off, one of my legs get stuck as the suit gets turned inside out. I am naked with my legs caught in the wetsuit as I stand on the front porch.
Then disaster. I hear a family with children walking their dog up the street. I quickly stumble inside the house on my hands and knees, into the house to hide from the neighbours. Our front window has no coverings, so I slide around the corner into the dining room, only to realize, I have rolled right into plain view of my wife entertaining guests on our back porch.
With my legs knotted up in a wetsuit, there I am eye to eye with my neighbour, his wife, my wife and her best friend.
2. The Neighbours Who Thought The Dog Was Violating Them
Last year, we discovered that our shared fence needed repaired when we noticed our puppy had gotten out. So I promptly sent the neighbour a text asking if we could go in his yard to make repairs as we knew he had back problems and we needed it done for the safety of our dogs. I immediately got a response to go over after work to discuss. When I arrived, I knocked on the door only to be greeted by the neighbour unfolding two full typed pages. He shook the papers and cleared his throat.
“Dear Poppy…” That is my dog. He read the note and I began to laugh thinking it was a joke but looked at his wife in disbelief when she said to take him serious it wasn’t a joke he worked hard on his letter.
He went on.. and on… about my dog violating him by sitting on our deck and staring at him while he went to the bathroom. I kid you not.. my deck is raised and in line with a tiny little window. He claimed that my dog apparently sits and watches him relieve himself and is violating him.
1. The Neighbours Who Don’t Understand Shingles
My neighbor behind my home carpeted their roof! One day, they were out stripping the roof. Removing the old shingles and weather shield, right down to the plywood, just on the back of their home. The next day they installed indoor/outdoor green turf carpet.