Happy 58th Birthday Barbie! Look at all You’ve Become!

I grew up with Barbie!  My favourite!  Feeling Fun Barbie from 1987!  (insert jokes here) […]

I grew up with Barbie!  My favourite!  Feeling Fun Barbie from 1987!  (insert jokes here)

In honour of this milestone- we’ve come up with a few realistic barbies!

 

Bifocals Barbie

Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue.

Hot Flash Barbie

Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

 

Soccer Mom Barbie

All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

 

Recovery Barbie

Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

 

Post-Menopausal Barbie

This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries alot. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book “Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self” is included.