ARE MEN “WEAPONIZING” POOPING TO GET OUT OF HOUSEHOLD DUTIES?

Pooping is my weapon, and Taco Bell is my ammunition.

Apparently, the bathroom may be the last great hiding place for husbands.

Divorce expert Olivia Howell, author of Divorce Happens, has sparked an online debate after suggesting some men are “weaponizing pooping” by spending suspiciously long amounts of time in the bathroom to avoid family responsibilities.

Yes. We have officially entered the era of strategic pooping.

Howell’s argument is basically this: when a husband disappears into the basement, garage or gym, his family can still find him.

But the bathroom? Sacred territory.

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Nobody wants to knock on that door and yell, “ARE YOU ACTUALLY POOPING?”

Because there are some questions in a marriage you simply don't want answered.

Howell says claiming you “have to go to the bathroom” provides the perfect excuse to disappear because nobody can reasonably tell another human being they're not allowed to use the toilet.

And smartphones may have turned the bathroom into an even better escape hatch.

Years ago, you went in, did your business and came back out. Now you can bring your entire digital life with you.

You can scroll Reddit, check sports scores, watch YouTube, answer emails, play games, check the stock market or somehow emerge 47 minutes later knowing how to rebuild a carburetor.

Meanwhile, your partner is outside wondering: “Did you fall in?”

And that's what makes the bathroom such a convenient getaway. 

Unless someone is willing to demand photographic evidence, there's really no way of knowing whether you're dealing with a legitimate intestinal emergency...

or a man who's finished pooping 36 minutes ago and is now watching videos of people pressure-washing driveways.

Of course, not every long bathroom visit is some elaborate scheme to avoid unloading the dishwasher.

Sometimes Taco Tuesday simply comes with consequences.

But Howell's argument has certainly started a conversation about how household responsibilities are divided and whether some people are using bathroom time as a convenient little vacation from family life.

So the next time your partner says, “I'll be right back, I have to poop” and takes their phone...Start the clock.

Because anything after 20 minutes isn't a bowel movement.

It's a sabbatical.