THE ONLY WAY GEN X WILL GO TO CONCERTS AGAIN 🎸👓

A concert promoter recently went online and asked Gen X a very important question:

“What is it going to take to get you guys going out again?”

And comedian Dan Regan had some suggestions. Because Gen X still LOVES live music.

We just don't necessarily love standing for four hours, paying $19 for a beer and getting home at 1:30 in the morning.

So, concert promoters, grab a pen.

1. BRING BACK ACTUAL TICKETS

Enough with having everything on our phones. We want a physical ticket.

Because nothing gets the heart pumping like standing at the entrance with 300 people behind you while your phone suddenly decides... “Face ID is unavailable.” Plus, we kept our ticket stubs! They're currently in a shoebox beside our old concert T-shirts and approximately 14 mysterious charging cables.

2. TICKETS SHOULD COME WITH READERS AND IBUPROFEN

If you're charging us $200 to see a band we loved in 1994, throw in some 1.5 readers and two Advil. Maybe a Tums. Make it a VIP package.

3. CHAIRS. MORE CHAIRS.

Gen X doesn't need a mosh pit anymore. We need lumbar support. And don't give us a chair and then have everybody stand up in front of it. WE PAID FOR THE CHAIR. WE'RE USING THE CHAIR.

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4. BETTER BATHROOMS

They're part of the concert-planning process. And a row of portable toilets baking in an Ontario parking lot in July? Absolutely not. We've made choices in life, and one of them is indoor plumbing.

5. THE BAND STARTS ON TIME

Fine them $1,000 for every minute they're late. Doors at 7. Opening act at 8.

Headliner at 9.

Not: “It's 10:47 and we think they might be coming out soon.” Sir, I have a skincare routine and a bedtime.

6. SUMMER CONCERTS START AT 3 P.M.

Three o'clock start. Six o'clock finish. Home before dark. You could see Def Leppard, grab dinner and still be on the couch watching Dateline by 8:30.

THAT is a festival.

7. PUT THE PHONES AWAY

We're here to see the band. Not the band through the screen of the person standing in front of us who is recording the entire concert vertically.

Take one picture. Maybe a 20-second video. Then put your phone away and enjoy the show.

Because Gen X absolutely WILL go back to concerts.

We just need comfortable seats, clean bathrooms, an early start, physical tickets, some Advil and enough lighting in the parking lot to find the car.

Basically...We don't want backstage passes anymore. We want the Early Bird Package.