Iowa Declares War on Toilet Paper Bandits

Looks like the town of Jesup, Iowa, has officially had it with late-night pranksters and their two-ply shenanigans. The city just rolled out (pun very much intended) a zero-tolerance policy against “TP-ing.”

That’s right — no more sneaking out with a Costco-sized pack of Charmin to turn your neighbour’s oak tree into a paper chandelier.

According to officials, “TP-ing” — defined as using toilet paper to “decorate” homes, trees, or other structures — is now a full-blown criminal offence. If you’re caught mid-stream, you won’t just get a slap on the wrist. Nope, you could be arrested and slapped with charges like trespassing, criminal mischief, illegal dumping, and disorderly conduct.

In other words, your fun Friday night could turn into a mugshot faster than you can say double roll.

The Punishments: Not Exactly a Laughing Matter

Those convicted can expect fines and community service. (Imagine explaining to your boss why you’re on the side of the highway picking up garbage — “Oh, this?

Just paying for that time I turned the Smiths’ maple tree into a paper lantern.”) And if you’re a repeat offender? The penalties could get ramped up even higher.

They stopped short of mentioning jail time, but hey, with enough strikes, who knows — one day the “toilet paper wing” of the county jail might be a thing.

RELATED: Bend, Oregon, Has Had Enough of Googly-Eyed Vandals

But What About Eggs?

Interestingly, Jesup didn’t mention egging. So while TP is officially contraband, a carton of Grade A larges might still be fair game.

Picture the confusion: “Sorry, officer, I wasn’t planning to decorate the Hendersons’ house… just make a giant omelette on their garage door.”

Canadian Sidebar

This might be the only time Canadians feel grateful for our October snowstorms. Up here, by the time Halloween rolls around, TP-ing is basically impossible. Wet toilet paper plus cold wind? You’d need a chisel to get it off the tree.

So, if you’re planning a prank this fall, maybe stick to good old Canadian classics: saran-wrap a buddy’s car, switch their Tim Hortons order to decaf, or swap their ketchup chips for regular. Harmless, funny, and — most importantly — legal.