Scientists Invent an Onion That Won’t Make You Cry… So What Do We Blame Now?

If the reason you avoid cooking with onions is that they turn you into a sobbing mess at the kitchen counter… science may have just ruined your best excuse.

Researchers in Japan have spent more than 20 years developing a special onion that doesn’t make your eyes water when you chop it. Yes, two full decades of scientific effort went into solving the emotional trauma of taco night.

The new tear-free onion is called the “Smile Ball.” And no, that’s not the name of a children’s toy or a weird spa treatment. It’s a real onion.

Apparently, the Smile Ball not only won’t make you cry, but it also smells less intense and is much sweeter than the onions most of us are used to battling in the kitchen.

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Why Onions Make You Cry in the First Place

Normally, when you chop an onion, it releases a gas. That gas reacts with the moisture in your eyes, and your body immediately goes into defence mode, producing tears to flush out the irritation.

Translation: your dinner ingredients basically pepper-spray you.

The Smile Ball onion was specially bred to remove the enzyme that causes that tear-producing gas, while still keeping the flavour and nutritional value of a regular onion.

So you get the taste… without looking like you just watched the ending of The Notebook while making spaghetti sauce.

When Will We See Them?

These tear-free onions are already starting to appear in some places in the United States. But for some reason, they’re going by a much less fun name there.

Instead of “Smile Ball,” they’re being sold as “Goldies.”

Honestly, if you had the choice between buying something called a Smile Ball or something called a Goldie, you know which one wins.

It’s not clear when Canadian grocery stores will start carrying them, but when they do, kitchens everywhere may become dramatically less emotional.

Although let’s be honest… most of the crying in the kitchen isn’t from onions anyway. It’s from trying to figure out what to make for dinner again.