‘90s Kids Are the Most Emotionally Wrecked Parents…

Today’s kids get emotionally intelligent TV shows with breathing exercises, gentle life lessons, and a cartoon dog who feels his feelings when he loses a game of keepy-uppy.

We watched a kid get stung to death by bees.
Because he was trying to find his best friend’s mood ring. And then we watched her cry at his tiny child-sized funeral while we ate Dunkaroos. 🫠

Welcome to the club: ‘90s kids who are now highly anxious, screen-time-regulating parents trying to break the cycle… while twitching every time someone mentions Bridge to Terabithia.

Our parents didn’t Google whether something was “age-appropriate.” They just popped in the VHS, handed us a snack, and left the room.

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Let's Review our Cinematic Trauma...

🕷 Charlotte’s Web: We learned to love a talking spider… and then they killed her off in a barn.

🦕 The Land Before Time: Technically educational (dinosaurs!) but actually just prehistoric grief wrapped in friendship and gut punches.

🦌 Bambi: Shot his mum. In the first 10 minutes.

🦁 The Lion King: “Here’s your dad. Now watch him die in a stampede.”

🦁 Narnia: Casual war, betrayal, and child sacrifice. But hey, at least we had that talking lion to guide us through the trauma.

And don’t get us started on that creepy movie The Peanut Butter Solution

Meanwhile, today’s kids are out here watching Encanto and Bluey, learning how to express themselves without yelling, apologizing voluntarily, and unpacking generational trauma in under 30 minutes with calming music and emotional intelligence.

And yet, we’re the ones regulating screen time like it’s a controlled substance:
“No, sweetie, not more than 30 minutes. Yes, I know it’s educational. Yes, I know Bluey’s dad validates feelings. Still no.”

But then I turn around and let them watch The Goonies, Lean On Me, and Gremlins. Because if we had to survivenightmares triggered by a Mogwai turning into Satan’s Furby, so do they.

Listen, we may be broken… but we bonded.
And now we parent with white-knuckled intention and a laminated screen time chart.