How Late Can You Cancel Plans And Other Life Laws?

Now you know!

We’ve been in quarantine, on zoom and anti-social for years now. It’s time to get back out there and be with other humans. But, despite having a normal life lately- many have forgotten those little rules in life that help us function in society! Here are just a few!

You may callously cancel almost any plans up until 2 p.m.

At 2 p.m., there’s still ample time for your friend — if they so choose — to text around and find another dinner companion. This doesn’t apply if you want to cancel on someone who is cooking for you — in that situation, you have to tell them the night before.

Don’t use friends as foreplay.

If, as a couple, you start an argument in the middle of a group of friends, that group of friends may start looking a lot like potential allies. Resist that urge. Do not attempt to shore up support. Do not ask if you are “clearly in the right.” Continue debating with your significant other if you must, but leave the others out of it.

Never wake up your significant other on purpose, ever.

And don’t turn on the lights when they’re asleep. Jet-lagged and want to talk? Don’t do it. Think someone is coming in to kill you? Work it out yourself.

If someone starts telling you a story you’ve heard before, you have two seconds to tell them.

Interject with “Oh my god, that was hilarious,” or “truly horrific,” or “unbelievable — you’ve told me.” But if you don’t say it within the allotted time, you just have to listen to them tell the story again. And if you’re in a larger group, you just have to listen, period.

When another human is present, don’t talk to your animal in the private voice you use when alone together.

Never send an Edible Arrangement.

Make something yourself. A smoked turkey is especially nice for a grieving family — it can feed a lot of people, is delicious cold or warm, and can be eaten on its own, in a sandwich or salad, or hot open-faced.

Don’t describe TikToks. It’s more boring than describing dreams.

Gift randomly.

This is partly because it’s hard to remember everyone’s birthday. Give a gift just because and as soon as you find it, that way it becomes less of an obligation!

If you’ve met someone and they clearly don’t remember your name, say, “Hi, we’ve met, I’m X.”

If someone mispronounces a word but you knew what they meant, move along.

The proper response to being told something you already know isn’t “I know.” It’s “You’re right.”

When casually asked how you are, say “Good!”

It’s neutral and doesn’t force someone to endure a trauma dump or a spiel on how “the world is up in flames.”