🎃 10 Reasons Halloween Is Way Better Than Having a Girlfriend

And yes, this is backed by science… the science of pure chaos.

Look, girlfriends are great and all — but let’s be honest: Halloween brings joy, sugar, and zero emotional damage. 

If you’re looking for something low-maintenance, high-fun, and that doesn’t need “good morning” texts, spooky season might be your true soulmate.

Here’s why Halloween is the superior relationship:

👻 1. No “What Are We?” Talk — Ever

Halloween shows up once a year, scares you, feeds you, and peaces out.

🍫 2. Halloween Gives You Treats for Free

No anniversaries, no “you didn’t post me on Instagram,” no emotional labour.

🧛‍♂️ 3. You Can Dress Like an Absolute Disaster

Want to be a sexy traffic cone? A zombie Justin Trudeau? A raccoon in a Blue Jays jersey holding a slice of pizza?
Halloween says, “You’re iconic — never change.”
A girlfriend might say, “Are you really wearing that?”

Let me have this, Jessica.

💸 4. Halloween Is Cheaper Than a Relationship

Halloween budget:
🎃 Costume from Value Village: $19.99
🍬 Candy binge: $14
🕯️ Pumpkin: $8

Girlfriend budget:
Date night, brunch, birthdays, holidays, Uber rides, surprise trips, “those shoes were on sale,” and at least one emotional support latte daily: $17,842. Minimum. Your credit card whispers, “Boo.” And not the cute kind.

🧟‍♀️ 5. Halloween Wants You Weird

Halloween encourages chaos.
You can scream, decorate your lawn with fake corpses, and watch horror movies all night while eating 42 mini KitKats. A girlfriend might “suggest therapy.”

💀 6. Zero Family Drama

Halloween’s “family”: witches, skeletons, vampires, black cats.
Girlfriend’s family:
Aunt Karen asking when you’re proposing, Uncle calling you “Champ,” and a cousin trying to sell you crypto.

😴 7. You Can Forget Halloween & No One Cries
Forget a girlfriend's birthday or your anniversary?
You’re writing a 5-page apology letter with flowers, a spa gift card, and your soul attached.

📱 8. Halloween Doesn’t Stalk Your Socials

Halloween doesn’t care who you follow, who you heart-reacted to, or why “Megan from HR” laughed at your email.
Halloween minds its business.

🔥 9. Halloween Doesn’t Steal Your Hoodie

No one is walking away with your favourite flannel, Blue Jays hoodie, or blanket with sleeves (yes, the Snuggie stays yours).

🧡 10. Halloween Always Comes Back

Halloween doesn’t ghost you.
No slow fade. No, “I just need space.”
It arrives every year — excited, dressed up, and ready to party.
Consistency? Love language.

🎃 Final Verdict

Halloween is the low-maintenance, high-reward relationship we all deserve.
It gives you treats, lets you be your weirdest self, doesn’t drain your bank account, and dips before things get complicated.

If Halloween had a dating profile, we’d all swipe right.