Santa’s Reindeer: The Grown-Woman Edition ✨🎄

You’ve heard the stories. You’ve seen the cartoons. But nobody ever tells you what really happens when Santa’s reindeer clock out for the night, kick off the harnesses, and step fully into their multifaceted adult lives.

RELATED: MERRIAM-WEBSTER IS AS CONFUSED BY SANTA’S REINDEER NAMES AS WE ARE

If Santa’s Reindeer were all female, and the roles they would have...(According to Charlie)

Dasher → Dana
Always early. Already annoyed. Has the route memorized and refuses to stop for coffee again.

Dancer → Raina
Sparkly. Energetic. Claims she’s “just stretching” but absolutely choreographed the whole takeoff.

Prancer →Priscilla
Looks high-maintenance. Actually carries the team emotionally. Nails are always done.

Vixen → Vivienne
Knows she’s hot. Knows the weather. Knows Santa’s cholesterol numbers. Judges quietly.

Comet → Cherry
Fast. Efficient. Will pass you, then report you. Runs on black coffee and spite.

Cupid →Terry
Empath of the group. Brings the snacks. Remembers everyone’s birthday, even Blitzen’s ex.

Donner → Donna
Muscle. Power. Has been lifting since ‘98. Says “I got it” and always does.

Blitzen → Fitzlanna
Lightning energy. Multitasks mid-flight. Probably has three side hustles and a clipboard.

Rudolph → Ruby
The glow-up queen. Once underestimated. Now literally leads the way. Wears red like it’s a warning.