Originally posted January 29, 2021

Toni Nieuwhof wants people to find more peace in their lives. And part of that is helping couples who are struggling in their marriage.

Nieuwhof, from Simcoe County, wants you to know that saving your marriage can be a lot of work but getting divorced isn't easy either. So, she has written a book called Before You Split to help you slow down and think about what you really want. If you want to save your marriage, she lays out very practical advice that can help you. Maybe you can leave a bad marriage or relationship behind without leaving your partner.

[perfectpullquote align="left" bordertop="false" cite="" link="" color="" class="" size=""]“I have a real interest and drive to help people find more peace in their lives.” -Toni Nieuwhof in conversation with Lisa Morgan (see audio below)[/perfectpullquote]

As a former divorce lawyer, Nieuwhof would have clients come back to her and say something like “If I had known then what I know now, I would have tried harder to save my marriage.” Some of the stories and advice she writes about come from her work as a divorce lawyer. But Before You Split is also from her own perspective as a married woman who was on the brink of divorce herself.

[perfectpullquote align="right" bordertop="false" cite="" link="" color="" class="" size=""]“If I had known then what I know now, I would have tried harder to save my marriage.” -clients of Toni Nieuwhof [/perfectpullquote]

A  pharmacist, a mediator and podcast host, Nieuwhof is also a mother of two and the wife of Carey Nieuwhof, a local pastor, now well known across North America in church and leadership settings. Toni says that people often assume that because she's the wife of a pastor, that her marriage must be easy. But that wasn't the case. She is very vulnerable in Before You Split, and she can be so because her marriage is once again thriving.

Toni tells me, "I wrote [Before You Split] for the couple who is really struggling at that place where… not sure whether to stay, whether to go. I wanted to draw in the experience I’ve had as a divorce attorney, to help that person who is really struggling to see what their options are more clearly. And also to share some of the experiences that Carey and I had and some of the practical solutions that helped us out of those dark days in our marriage to a marriage that we would both say is thriving right now.”

[perfectpullquote align="left" bordertop="false" cite="" link="" color="" class="" size=""]" I wanted to draw in the experience I’ve had as a divorce attorney, to help that person who is really struggling to see what their options are more clearly." -Toni Nieuwhof[/perfectpullquote]

If you feel frustrated and stuck in your marriage, or just disconnected with your partner, Before You Split could be a great help to you. Toni Nieuwhof's advice will help you:

• see yourself and your spouse more clearly
• deal with unrealistic expectations
• empower you with constructive ways to respond to difficult emotions
• engage the power of forgiveness
• increase your peacemaking skills
• advance your journey of personal growth

Listen

I had the chance to interview Toni this past week. Listen to our conversation below, where talk about so-called "COVID Divorce", our tendency to find someone to blame for our problems, why someone might even want to save a relationship that is in such a bad place, and we even chat about Enneagram numbers.

Images courtesy of Toni Nieuwhof