Coldplay KissCam Chaos? The Company Just Hired Gwyneth Paltrow to Clean It Up

Ah, nothing like a classic tech scandal with a side of soft rock, public awkwardness, and now… Gwyneth Paltrow?

Astronomer, the New York–based tech company whose CEO was busted mid-embrace with his HR exec on a KissCam at a Coldplay concert, has officially entered its PR Hail Mary phase. And who better to help pivot the brand than Gwyneth “Conscious Uncoupling” Paltrow herself?

The actress, Goop queen, and former Mrs. Chris Martin (yes, that Chris Martin — Coldplay’s frontman and the man whose voice is probably playing over your breakup montage) announced she’s now the official spokesperson for Astronomer.

Because if anyone knows how to bounce back from public drama with polished cheekbones and a luxury candle, it’s Gwyneth.

RELATED: Did Chris Martin Accidentally Bust a Cheating Couple at a Coldplay Concert? The Internet Thinks So 👀

Let’s Recap the Drama, Shall We?

Earlier this month at a Coldplay concert, frontman Chris Martin encouraged cameras to pan the crowd in a light-hearted "let’s see who's in love" moment. Instead, what we got was full-on HR violation with stadium-sized exposure.

Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and HR executive Kristin Cabot were caught looking very cozy — not in a "we work together respectfully" way, but in a "please don’t pan to us right now, Chris" way.

Martin, unaware of the backstory, joked,

“Either they’re having an affair, or they’re just very shy,”
as the pair tried (unsuccessfully) to hide their faces from the KissCam — which, naturally, only made things more awkward.

Cue the internet explosion.
Memes. Reaction videos. Parodies. Slow zooms. Think Scandoval, but with softer lighting and a Coldplay soundtrack. Streams of the band’s songs reportedly jumped 20% in the aftermath, proving once again that tragedy + time = Spotify revenue.

Within days, both Byron and Cabot were out. Resigned. Unconsciously unlinked. And in a twist nobody saw coming, Gwyneth Paltrow has now stepped in as the fresh face of “let’s move on and rebrand.”

Because when your company gets memed into oblivion after a stadium-wide soft launch of an alleged office romance, your only real options are:

1. Hire Olivia Pope
2. Hire Gwyneth

Astronomer chose Gwyneth — and honestly? Bold. Goop-brained. On-brand.