It’s So Hot, They’re Telling Us to Ditch the Coffee? Are They Out of Their Minds?

You know it’s officially summer when your thighs are stuck to the car seat and your mascara’s sweating off before 9 a.m.

But this week? It’s not just hot—it’s heat-wave, stick-a-fork-in-us-we ''re-done- hot. And now, to make things even worse, the experts are coming for our coffee.

Yes. Our COFFEE. Even the iced kind.

According to the National Weather Service (aka the people who ruin our fun with facts), a massive heat dome is baking parts of the country, and it’s drifting east this weekend like that one sweaty uncle who always overstays his welcome at the BBQ.

Their advice?
Avoid “heavy” or high-protein meals because they can raise your body temp. Fine.
Avoid alcohol. Understandable, but rude.
Avoid coffee—even iced coffee—because it speeds up dehydration.

Sorry, what now? No cold brew during a heatwave? Do they want us to snap?

And of course, in case you needed the world’s most obvious PSA: don’t leave your kids or pets in the car. Ever. Not even for “just a minute.” It’s not rocket science, folks—cars turn into ovens in this heat, and your dog doesn’t want to bake like a lasagna while you run into Shoppers.

RELATED: Coffee Is the #1 Beverage We Literally Can’t Live Without — And Honestly, Same

Here’s what they do recommend:

• Water. Like, a lot of it. Not just that sad half-glass beside your bed.
• Sports drinks (because electrolytes are the new rosé).
• Sunscreen (not just on vacation—every time you step outside, even to chase the garbage truck).
• Staying inside during the hottest part of the day, which for moms is called “between errands, appointments, and trying to exist.”

So, if you’re melting, crank the AC, fill up your Stanley cup with something non-dehydrating, and take comfort in the fact that this heatwave will pass—probably right after you finally get used to it.

And if you must have that iced coffee? Just chase it with a litre of water and try not to make eye contact with any weather officials.