The 5 Kinds of Christmas Shoppers (And Yes, You Probably Are One of Them)

Ah yes… Christmas shopping season. A magical time filled with twinkling lights, peppermint everything, and the quiet soundtrack of your bank account sobbing in the background.

Whether you’re a “start in July” keener or someone who genuinely thinks December 24th is plenty of time, we all fall into at least one of the five Christmas shopper categories. So grab your hot chocolate (or wine… no judgement), and let’s break down the types of shoppers you’ll definitely run into, maybe even inside your own house.

1. The Super Organized Overachiever

You know this person. They’ve had a colour coded Excel sheet since Labour Day. Every gift is purchased, wrapped, labelled, and probably arranged under the tree by December 1st.
They bought your gift months ago and yes, it’s perfect and personalized and makes you look like a chaotic raccoon digging through HomeSense on December 22nd.
We love them. We hate them. Mostly we want to be them… but like… maybe next year.

2. The Emotional Spender

This shopper goes out for “just a couple things” and returns home with 47 bags and a glazed look in their eyes.
One minute they’re grabbing stocking stuffers, and the next they’re sobbing in the candle aisle because “it smells like Grandma’s baking.”
They’re powered entirely by vibes, nostalgia, and whichever debit card happens to have money left on it.
Their gifts are always heartfelt and wildly over budget.

3. The Online Shopping Goblin

Only emerges from the glow of a laptop screen to announce, “It’ll be here by Thursday… I think.”
This person has not stepped inside a mall since 2014 and refuses to start now.
They speak fluent promo code.
Prime Day is their Super Bowl.
And yes, they do have a mild panic attack every time a shipping delay email comes in.
But hey, the doorbell rings 14 times a week, so at least they get cardio running to grab the packages.

4. The Gift Card Guru

They don’t shop.
They delegate.
Why risk buying the wrong thing when a rectangle of plastic does the job?
They stroll into stores cool as a cucumber and leave five minutes later with their holiday responsibilities handled.
Is it impersonal? Maybe.
Is it genius? Also maybe.
But let’s be real, no one has ever complained about a Starbucks card.

5. The Christmas Eve Gladiator

This is the brave, brave soul wandering the mall at 4 p.m. on December 24th, hollow eyed and clutching a list that simply says “MOM???”
They are fuelled entirely by adrenaline and regret.
They move with the desperation of someone who meant to start shopping earlier but got distracted by… literally anything else.
These people deserve our respect. They’re out there battling crowds, empty shelves, and the last scented bath set no one else wanted.
If you spot one in the wild, offer a hug. Or a helmet.

So… which one are you?
And more importantly, how many of them will you encounter in your household this year?