Yes, They're Fake... My Real Ones Tried to Kill Me

The irony of this situation is that I had been thinking about implants for the past 10 years…

And as a child of the 90s, the decade that brought us Pamela Anderson’s slo-mo run and the spice girl’s cleavage-centric girl group- and honourable mention to Christina Applegate as Kelly Bundy, I grew up hyper-sensitive to big boobs, and I was very aware that I didn’t have them…

The fact that I got them due to a mutant cancer gene floating around in my body makes me feel that I should appreciate my new boobs more than your average chic…

My new implants are less than two weeks old and are just finding their place in my body.  I’m also facing this minor setback, as one of my nipples died and will have to be removed.

So right now my new boobs are making my chest feel tight, they are oddly shaped and coloured and I don’t feel the greatest…

But soon, one fine day…. I will be whole again and my new knockers will be ready to take on the world…

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO WITH MY NEW BOOBS...

As a woman in my 40s, I’m super excited to know that when I bend over for any reason- they will not look like party hats.

I can finally wear spaghetti straps or even go strapless without a bra…

I can jump up and down and my boobs won’t hit me in the face…

I’ll have a new boob smell to me…

People will no longer make actual eye contact with me…(Hey! I'm up here...LOL) I've never had to say that!

And I can make people feel awkward for staring by saying, “Yes, they’re fake, my real ones tried to kill me…”