Chrissy Teigen Writes about Both The Love and the Backlash following Stillbirth of her Son
"I absolutely knew I needed to share this story"
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. There is still stigma and taboo about pregnancy loss but more people are talking about it and parents are finding that they’re not alone.
In a new tender essay, Chrissy Teigen, a model, TV host, cook book author and entrepreneur, as well as a mother to two young children, talks about the traumatic loss of the baby she and singer John Legend had named Jack.
I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. […]These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.
For weeks, she had been on bed-rest, been dealing with a placental abruption, and was hoping to be able to keep the baby safely ‘inside’ until 28 weeks, where the chance of survival is greater. But, at 20 weeks, with her life also at risk, she had to be induced and give birth to her boy, whom they knew would not survive.
She asked her husband John to take photos. She went on to share those photos publicly. Teigen explains why she asked for those photos:
I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask.[…] I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.
Once she shared the photos along with the news that they had lost their baby, the reaction was swift. People all over the world sent their condolences and shared their stories. Chrissy says that the social media message from strangers consumed her days.
[…] some of the best letters started with, “You don’t have to respond to this, but…”. After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness. Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to. For me, the “no need to respond” note was such a true relief. I thank you for each and every one of those.
But not everyone was kind. They judged her for sharing the photos while others were glib and almost gleeful about her loss. Chrissy writes:
I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.
She speaks of the kindnesses she has received and says,
The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won’t get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won’t pour them out at all.
Read her whole story HERE.
In Simcoe County, organizations like Bridget’s Bunnies exist to support grieving families and educate about the needs of families after a loss.
Check out what they did this year on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15th)
