Florida Man Breaks Into Vacant Home to Avoid His Angry Wife… Honestly, Relatable

We’ve all needed a bit of space during a heated argument — maybe a walk around the block, a drive to Tim Hortons, or hiding in the laundry room until the storm passes. But one guy in Florida took “cooling off” to a whole new (and very illegal) level.

According to police in Davenport, Florida (about 70 km southwest of Orlando, or a solid drive if you're trying to avoid an awkward dinner table conversation), a 44-year-old man broke into a vacant home — not to rob the place, but because he didn’t want to face his angry wife.

The homeowner’s neighbour, who was keeping an eye on the property while they were away, noticed the lights flicking on and off like a scene from Home Alone. So, naturally, they called the cops.

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When officers arrived, they found the man inside, cooking dinner like it was his kitchen and running a warm bathlike he was about to light some candles and queue up Enya.

He admitted he didn’t know the homeowners, didn’t have permission to be there, and had been crashing at the house for four days just to dodge the aftermath of a domestic dispute. That’s not a getaway — that’s a mini vacation.

Now, he’s facing multiple charges, including unarmed burglary, which is a felony in Florida. There’s no word yet on whether his wife bailed him out… or if he’ll be couch-surfing (or jail-cot-surfing) for the foreseeable future.

Moral of the story?

When your relationship hits a rough patch, maybe don’t commit a crime. Try flowers. Or chocolate. Or at the very least, don’t break into someone else's house to run yourself a bubble bath. That’s what hotels — and common sense — are for.