Here are some Terrible, Ridiculous, Slightly Spicy Pick-lines That you May Want to Avoid!

There are smooth pick-up lines, clever pick-up lines… and then there are the ones so spectacularly awful that you almost have to respect them.

Forget candlelight, poetry and meaningful eye contact. Once you hit a certain age, romance sounds less like Shakespeare and more like heartburn, reading glasses, heating pads and remembering to cross your legs before you sneeze.

So whether you’re happily married, reluctantly dating, or just looking for something ridiculous to text your partner from the other end of the couch, here are some of the worst, funniest and slightly inappropriate pick-up lines we could find.

Will they get you a date? Probably not. Will they get you an eye roll?

RELATED: Pick Up Lines So Cheesy, They Make Actually Work

Almost guaranteed.

• My love for you is like diarrhea… I just can’t hold it in.
  
• Are you heartburn? Because you keep me up all night and I regret everything I did before bed.
  
• Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.
  
• Are you menopause? Because you make me hot for absolutely no reason.
  
• Are you my lower back? Because I think about you every time I get out of bed.

• Are you a colonoscopy? Because I’ve been thinking about you all week and I’m extremely uncomfortable.
  
• Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
  
• Are you my reading glasses? Because I’ve been looking everywhere for you.
  
• Are you an IKEA dresser? Because I’d like to take you home and spend three frustrating hours trying to figure you out.
  
• Are you a heating pad? Because I want you on me all night.
  

• Are you a bottle of wine? Because you’re looking better the longer this evening goes.
  
• Are you a sneeze after 40? Because I should probably cross my legs before this goes any further.
  

• Are you tequila? Because every time we get together, I make decisions Future Me strongly disagrees with.
  

• Are you a rotisserie chicken? Because you’re hot, affordable and frankly the best option I’ve seen all week.