The Questions We'd All Ask Our Pets If They Could Talk

If your dog or cat could suddenly speak for five minutes, would you ask something profound... or immediately demand to know who threw up on the carpet?

A new survey found more than half of pet owners wish they could have an actual conversation with their furry roommates. And while some of the questions are sweet, others suggest we've all become slightly unhinged from spending too much time with our pets.

RELATED: More People Are Choosing Pets Over Kids

The top questions people want answered include:

• Are you happy?
• Do you like your life?
• Do you understand what I'm saying?
• What's your favourite thing we do together?
• Do you actually like me?

Which is adorable, but also a little needy.

Other pet owners want answers to more pressing matters, like:

• Do you ever judge me?
• Are you plotting something?
• Do you secretly know more than me?
• Have you ever considered running away?
• Which family member is your favourite?

And perhaps the most important question of all:

Do you talk about me to other animals?

Because let's be honest, if squirrels and neighbourhood dogs have a group chat, we're all being roasted in it.

The survey also found some cat owners wonder if their feline can read minds, while others want to know whether their pets get jealous or are secretly planning world domination.

As a millennial pet owner, I don't need my dog to answer every question.

I just need to know three things:

1. Who's a good boy?
2. Why are you barking?
3. And how did you hear a cheese wrapper open from three rooms away while completely ignoring your own name? 🐶🧀😆