Communication is key!

Even people in healthy relationships fight sometimes.  But it’s how you fight that makes a difference.  A pair of psychologists who’ve been married 35 years came up with a list of the phrases people in good relationships tend to use a lot.  They grouped them into six different categories . . .

1.  “I feel” statements.  You don’t have to start with those exact words.  It’s just about expressing emotions.  Things like, “I’m getting scared”, “That hurt my feelings”, or “I feel like you don’t understand me right now.”

2.  “I need to calm down.”  It’s about taking a breath.  Other examples include, “This is important to me, please listen”, and “Can I have a hug?”

3.  Stop actions.  It’s similar to the last one.  Phrases like, “Let’s start again”, “Can we take a break and talk about something else?”, and “I might be wrong.”

4.  Getting to “yes.”  Phrases that validate the other person and help you meet halfway.  Things like, “I agree with part of what you’re saying”, “I see where you’re coming from” and, “I think your point of view makes sense.”

5.  Expressing your appreciation.  Lines like, “I understand”, “Thank you for saying that”, and “I love you.”

6.  “I’m sorry.”  Or even just admitting you’re not perfect.  Phrases like, “I was being extreme”, “I can see my part in all this”, and “Sorry, let me try again.”